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Post by cuzosu on Apr 8, 2010 19:17:59 GMT 10
For those of you here who, like me, like to have a way to slyly express disapproval or anger towards someone without them being any the wiser, here are a few things you might find interesting. The following are some insults I found in a forward passed to me by my friend's grandfather. They're all fairly old, and I like the fact that they're lacking in swear terms and abundant in regards to offensiveness. *lifts cup in a toast* Here's to making a bad day a little more tolerable!
Lady Astor: If you were my husband, I'd give you poison. Winston Churchill: If you were my wife, I'd drink it.
Parliament member: Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease. Disraeli: That depends, Sir, on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.
Walton Kerr: He had delusions of adequacy.
William Falkner of Ernest Hemingway: He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.
Moses Hadas: Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it.
Mark Twain: I did not attend his funeral, but I wrote a nice letter saying I approved of it.
George Bernard Shaw: I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend...if you have one. Winston Churchill: Cannot possibly attend first night; will attend second...if there is one.
Mark Twain: Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?
Mae West: His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.
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Post by spopococ on Apr 8, 2010 22:15:26 GMT 10
bahahaha, loved. I rather enjoy witty humour, and dry sarcastic insults are my absolute favorite. Very well done. lol.
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Post by cuzosu on Apr 9, 2010 4:14:10 GMT 10
Wouldn't have shared them if I hadn't liked them, too.
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Post by luthienarnatuile on May 7, 2010 10:21:20 GMT 10
I love these. Sarcasim is my friend
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Post by cuzosu on May 7, 2010 10:23:54 GMT 10
Hey, if you find any more, feel free to post them here. I just had some at hand and figured I'd make someone's day a little better.
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Post by luthienarnatuile on May 7, 2010 10:33:16 GMT 10
I have a ton up my sleeve from non other than Shakespeare! You are a shallow cowardly hind, and you lie. Thou venomed beef-witted blind-worm! Thy bones are marrowless, thy blood is cold. and my personal favorite: Thou goatish rough-hewn strumpet!
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Post by cuzosu on May 7, 2010 10:45:52 GMT 10
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" "What's the matter? Did you look in the mirror?" --one of the many insults my Fuzzin and I have traded. I believe I said this one to him, though I could be remembering it wrong....
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Post by luthienarnatuile on May 7, 2010 10:55:54 GMT 10
I love that one! Im going to use it
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Post by cuzosu on May 7, 2010 11:07:02 GMT 10
*proud* Well, 'su and I DO trade insults often enough to do them well. Part of the point (for us) is to make the other one either laugh or lose their temper. Thankfully, we're both quite a challenge to push into losing our tempers, and we have rather strange views on what's funny. Which is why, when I called him an equal opportunity a$$hole, he thought the phrase was, "Gold, Cuz! Gold!!" Well, he really IS an equal opportunity a$$hole, because he'll take any chance to insult someone--including himself and people he actually likes. So I can't say that was an insult, and he didn't take it as one. Lol. But seriously, the stranger and more esoteric we can make the insult, the better, as far as 'su and I go. We talk in circles, mainly because it confuses people. Lol.
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Post by cuzosu on May 7, 2010 11:48:02 GMT 10
Ah yes, here's a funny insult:
Complete this sentence: I've never met a man I didn't like a) to cheat b) at first c) to avoid d) better than you.
--Robert Byrne
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Post by cuzosu on May 28, 2010 4:59:17 GMT 10
Here's another Mark Twain one.
Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement.
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Post by cuzosu on Apr 15, 2011 16:01:46 GMT 10
Yet another reason I love all things Saiyuki: (Warning, one bit of swearing; well, it IS Saiyuki, and I did bleep it out a bit....)
Gojyo: "There's always some dipsh*t...." Hakkai: "Now, Gojyo--let's not replace tact with honesty." (And he smiles the whole time he's saying it, lol.)
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Post by cuzosu on Jun 15, 2011 9:49:26 GMT 10
I hate you, and I hope your death is suitably miserable. --? I don't remember who said it....
"My moral standing is lying down." --from one of NIN's songs, can't remember which
"I want some adventure in my life!" "You're welcome to mine." "No, thanks. You don't have little adventures--you have disasters. I don't know how you come through them alive, much less successful." --I don't recall which series, but one of the people talking is the main character/heroine.
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Post by cuzosu on Jul 13, 2011 16:20:50 GMT 10
"Sorry, I couldn't help but overhear how annoying you are."
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Post by cuzosu on Jul 26, 2011 17:33:05 GMT 10
"It seems that at least your mouth is well off...." -from the first volume of Fate/Stay Night
"If only your face were as beautiful as your last sentence...." - one of my friends, to another
"Come now, not even one coldly civil threat? The caliber of enemies is declining...." -?
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